Which is, of course, to say that I am, to an unusual degree, willing to consider the viewpoints of others, however misguided those viewpoints may be.

This is all for the best, considering both where I find myself employed and the disturbing tendency of some people here to base their own judgments on the tiniest of details.

Not that I am, to use an admittedly unfortunate choice of words, naming names.  I have, however, reached the conclusion -- and I believe I have ample evidence to support this conclusion -- that Josh Lyman and his wife dislike me.

CJ Cregg is none too fond of me either.

Not that they have said so in as many words.  Well, there was that day when, frankly, I thought Mr. Lyman might do violence to my person; but, as Sam informed me later, I had unwittingly chosen the worst possible moment to approach the Lymans.  Or do they refer to themselves collectively as the Moss-Lymans?  Really, they are the most confusing couple to deal with!  You see, I had been erroneously and embarrassingly linked in the tabloids -- a form of journalism, if such it can be called, that I never envisioned seeing my name in -- with Mr. Lyman.  There was a photograph of him dancing -- and frankly, if you saw the photograph, you would, I am sure, agree that it looked less like dancing and more like a caress -- with a young blonde woman.  Because the woman's back was to the camera, she was difficult to identify and someone mistakenly thought she was me.

Besides the fact that Josh Lyman is a singularly unattractive man, the most partisan Democrat I have had the misfortunate to meet, and that his religious and ethnic background would make a relationship between us problematic (and I mention this not because I have any prejudice, simply because I hold my own religious beliefs very dear and therefore would see this as an inevitable stumbling block, even if I could overlook his politics) -- Where was I?  Oh, yes, besides all that, the woman in the photograph was taller than I.  And I was at home in North Carolina the day the photograph was snapped in, I believe, Boston.  In fact, I believe I was shopping at the Crabtree Valley Mall with my mother that day.  Although it may have been Cary Towne Center.  Possibly Crossroads Plaza.  Or perhaps that was the day we went to A Southern Season.  I adore A Southern Season.  My mother frequently sends me what she humorously refers to as "care packages"--

Am I getting off track again?

The point -- I shall endeavor to be brief -- the point is that I was savoring the delights of shopping in what is euphemistically referred to as the Triangle when the photo was taken.  I asked for a retraction.  I asked CJ Cregg, to be precise, and she refused to call the tabloids on my behalf.  She said that such a move would only give more credence to the story.  Fine.  It was, after all, a credible story.  Mr. Lyman was indeed engaged in a passionate and quite public embrace with some blonde woman.

I was not that woman.  That was all I cared about clearing up.  Not an unreasonable demand.

When CJ refused to help me, I contacted Mr. Lyman directly.  Well, not directly.  No one contacts Josh Lyman directly.  I'm fairly certain that not even President Bartlet could get past That Woman if she were determined to protect her precious Joshua.

Yes, a tall, blonde woman who has some sort of strange obsession with Josh Lyman's well being.  In retrospect, it is all too clear.  I attribute my initial failure to understand to -- Well, I'm sorry, but it's a highly improper, unprofessional situation.  I am told by no less a source than Sam Seaborn that the two of them -- and by "the two of them," I, of course, mean Mr. Lyman and Mrs. Moss-Lyman, as we now know her to be -- Where was I again?

Oh, yes, Sam told me they exchanged an extremely passionate kiss a few days ago.  In the bullpen.  In front of God and Leo McGarry.  Sam found this adorable.

Sam is a nice man, but I worry about his priorities.  I really do.

Sam went to law school at Duke.  My father, who is a passionate UNC fan, would never forgive me for dating a Duke alumnus.

Not that I have any interest in dating a Democrat who went to Duke.  I was merely considering what my father -- Where was I?

Oh, yes, Donna Moss-Lyman.  I should have realized that it was her in the photograph, but I was led astray by the fact that any relationship between her and Josh Lyman would be wrong.  I mean, honestly, aren't these people supposed to be concerned with the misuse of power?  With what they refer to as "women's rights"?  With sexual harassment?  And yet the Deputy Chief of Staff becomes romantically involved with his assistant and the entire senior staff rushes to their defense.

It's wrong.  It is so very wrong.  A blatant misuse of power.

Democrats!

When the news of Donna Moss' marriage to Josh Lyman hit the papers, I was furious.  The two of them had, I felt, conspired to use me to hide their illicit relationship.  What Sam insists on calling, as though it is adorable, "their forbidden love."  There is, I believe, a very good reason some things are forbidden.

I did not, however, point this out to Sam.  I have no idea why.

Chapel Hill is a highly respected school.  Why Sam would insist on going to Duke, I can't imagine.  At least he didn't go to NC State.  Some things do not bear thinking on.

Where was I?

Oh, yes.  I found out that the Lymans -- Or do I call them the Moss-Lymans?  I wish someone would clarify that point.  I've always believed in the importance of proper etiquette.  I found out that the -- May I just call them Josh and Donna? -- that they had used me to hide their relationship.  I asked for an apology.

Put yourself in my place.  You find yourself publicly linked to a man you do not even like.  People ask you embarrassing questions.  No one is willing to retract the story.  And then you discover that the sarcastic, sanctimonious -- Well, I am too much a lady to call him what I think, no matter what the provocation.  But he allowed me to be humiliated so that he could keep his improper relationship with his underling a secret.

So I went to his office and politely asked for an apology.

I thought he might attack me.  As for her -- that woman is very strange.

As Sam explained later, I unwittingly said the wrong thing at the wrong time.  I mentioned the embarrassment this situation had caused my parents.  That's when Donna Moss -- or Moss-Lyman, as she insists on being called -- looked stricken.  And when Josh Lyman told me to get out of the bullpen in a tone that truly frightened me.

I had no way of knowing that Mrs. Lyman -- Moss-Lyman, I should say -- had broken off relations with her parents when they expressed their understandable dismay that she had hid her marriage from them.  When Sam explained ("They disowned her," he said, which I felt was rather melodramatic), I thought I might apologize.  My reference to my own warm relationship with my parents was perfectly innocent, but I assure you that I would hate to cause anyone pain.  Sam, however, advised me to avoid them -- especially Josh Lyman -- for a few days.

That is why, when Ann Stark called, I thought I was doing a good thing.  I thought I was providing an opportunity to, as it were, bridge the gap between the Moss-Lymans and Senator Baker's office.  I felt good about that.

I swear, I will never attempt to do Josh Lyman another favor.

They blamed me.  All of them.  Except Sam, I should note.  I let the enemy into the fortress.  CJ Cregg, a woman I have some grudging admiration for despite her feminist ranting, lectured me on my perceived conflict of interest.

The only person there who treated me with respect was Ann Stark.

Ann Stark is such a nice woman.  Even if she did make that regrettable lapse in judgment regarding the memo she sent out to Senator Baker's employees.

I cannot help but admire Ms. Stark despite her flaws.  She is a highly intelligent woman and a skillful political operative.  It honestly makes you wonder how she could have made such an amateurish mistake as to -- But that is not the point.  The point is that Ms. Stark invited me to lunch.  Several well-meaning friends of mine advised me against accepting because of Ms. Stark's recent misfortunes.  But I do not believe in political expediency.  If someone has been courteous to me, I must return that courtesy, whether an association with them could be considered good for my career or not.

Plus, I have been thinking about something CJ said.

Although I do not agree with CJ on -- well, on any political issue -- I admire her personally.  Here is a woman who has made her way to the top of the political ladder and who seems willing to function as a mentor of sorts to other women.  And, by the way, may I point out here the hypocrisy inherent in the fact that this administration, which prides itself on its liberal policies, has exactly one woman on the senior staff and no Blacks or Latinos?  Would they not lambaste a Republican administration that had the same makeup?  Am I the only person who finds this somewhat disturbing?

Where was I?

Oh, yes.  CJ informed me that I might face a conflict of interest when the election campaign got into full swing.  I must say that I wonder whether she is right.  Do not mistake me.  I admire President Bartlet.  I have found him to be an honorable man.  A highly moral man who, I sincerely believe, wishes to do good.  And, quite obviously, a frighteningly intelligent man.

However, he is wrong.

I am, after all, a conservative Republican.  I do not attempt to hide that fact.  I am quite proud of my beliefs.  And so I find myself serving a good man who, I firmly believe, is on the wrong side of virtually every issue.

Surely within my own party, there is a man (or a woman, for despite what the likes of CJ Cregg and Donna Moss-Lyman would have you believe, women are allowed to speak their minds in the Republican party), who is moral and intelligent and who would serve this country every bit as well as President Bartlet.  Without the misguided policies.

And when my party nominates such a man (or woman), what am I to do?  Is it, I wonder, ethical of me to work in the Bartlet White House while campaigning, as I must, for the Republican nominee?

At the moment, despite his recent setbacks, Gregory W. Baker seems likely to be the Republican nominee.  From what I have seen of Senator Baker, I like him very much.  I admire his stand on foreign relations, on the economy, on civil rights and, yes, on the right to bear arms.

I believe I could become very excited about a Baker presidency.

In addition, I admire Ann Stark.  More to the point, I like her.  She is unfailingly courteous.  I value courtesy.  Civility, I believe, is a highly underrated commodity, especially in political circles.  That day in Josh Lyman's office, I observed that Ann Stark was much more civil than her Democratic opponents

And all that is why I decided to have lunch with Ann Stark.  It was, I believe, a valuable experience.

I think I made a friend.

We met at an elegant restaurant.  I was, I must note, entirely impressed by her excellent taste.  She immediately apologized for having placed me in an awkward position the day she visited the West Wing and expressed her hope that I had not, in any way, been made to suffer for aiding her.

"Not at all," I reassured her.  In point of fact, I'd had little contact with any member of the senior staff -- other than Sam, who hardly counts since he wasn't there -- since that day.

"That's so good to know," Ann -- she asked me to call her Ann right away, which I found quite flattering -- said.  "I was worried.  Those people can hold a grudge."

"Well, in all honesty, I must admit that this has not been my experience.  Although I cannot agree with their political views, they have generally treated me with the utmost respect."

"Generally?  You mean, there have been exceptions?  Nothing too unpleasant, I hope."

"There have been, I am sorry to say, a few minor misunderstandings."

"Oh, I hope I didn't complicate things for you.  Especially with Josh Lyman.  That man can be a dangerous enemy, as I've learned all too well recently."

Surely she was not suggesting that her recent misfortunes were in some way connected to that scene in Josh Lyman's office?  I asked her as much.

"Now, Ainsley," she answered, "I don't want you to worry about me.  Believe me, what happened that day was entirely my fault.  I underestimated a volatile situation.  I thought it was time to make peace, and I was sadly mistaken."

"I am so sorry for whatever role I unwittingly played.  If I'd had any idea that--"

"Well, how could you have?  I misunderstood the situation, and I have a great deal more experience than you.  I just wanted to save that young woman from further public humiliation."

"Donna Moss-Lyman, you mean?"

"Yes.  Isn't she simply adorable?  So obviously in love and so protective of her Josh.  I can't help but feel sorry for everything the media put her through."

"I must say, Ann, that I am so impressed with your magnanimous attitude.  I mean, to show compassion for Donna Moss-Lyman after her behavior toward you that day."

"Ainsley, Donna is -- Well, I've seen that type before.  She's young, naïve, not very smart.  This powerful, sexy man pays her some attention, so naturally she falls in love with him.  And, of course, he is quite the hero, taking a bullet for his president and all that."

"Still, she was -- they were all -- impolite to you."

"You have to understand this business.  As far as they're concerned, this is war.  A holy war, no less.  The true believers of St. Josiah versus the demon Republicans."  She smiled.  "To them, I must be Satan."

"Cruella DeVil," I said automatically.  I was horrified to hear those words come out of my mouth.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm so sorry -- I didn't mean -- please forget--"

"No, please tell me."

"Sam Seaborn -- Oh, dear.  I shouldn't--"

"Ainsley, if people are calling me names, I'd like to know."

I felt so sorry for the poor woman.  After everything she's been through, and, well, I didn't approve when Sam mentioned it to me, so I told her.  "Sam said that Josh and Donna have taken to calling you Cruella DeVil.  Because of that fur coat you were wearing the day--"

"I see."  She looked amused, but I'm sure the poor woman must have been mortified.  I know I would be.  "Well, they do believe in demonizing Republicans in one form or another.  Who knows what they call you."

"To be fair, they haven't, for all their faults, treated me as though I'm a demon."

"Maybe not.  If they're so fond of Disney movies, perhaps you're their idea of the enchanted princess.  One kiss from the handsome prince -- Who would that be in this fairy tale?  I suppose Sam Seaborn is the only available candidate these days.  Well, he's certainly good looking enough for the part.  One kiss and you'll magically awaken as a good little Democrat."

"That is highly improbable."

"Which part?  The kiss or the political transformation?"

"Either.  Both.  What I mean is that while I am, of course, proud to be working in the White House, I am a Republican.  I believe most strongly in the values of the Republican party.  I would never dream of changing my party affiliation for any reason."

"Of course you wouldn't.  I understood that from the moment we met.  It's a shame things turned out the way they did."

"I'm sorry.  I'm not sure I understand."

"Well, Ainsley, I see you as someone who has a bright future in Republican politics.  I could have helped you once, shown you the ropes."

"Been a sort of mentor, you mean?"

"Precisely.  It never hurts, does it, to have someone -- sort of a big sister -- to help you along?  Someone you can confide in.  But things have gone so badly for me lately that I'm afraid I wouldn't be much help to you now."

I do not believe, as I have said before, in judging a person's worth on the basis of their political expediency.  I said as much to Ann.  I told her that I was sure there was much she could teach me concerning how to succeed as a woman in the Republican party.

"There is, Ainsley," she replied.  "And let me tell you a little something in confidence.  Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good, even if it means taking the blame for something that isn't entirely your fault."

I do believe that my eyes, as my mother is wont to say, grew big as saucers.  Was Ann Stark implying that she had not written the memo asking employees of Senator Baker's company to contribute to The Right Direction?  Why then had she been willing to take full responsibility for the memo on national television?

"Well," she said, "these matters have to remain confidential.  I can't discuss that directly.  Let's just say this -- Senator Baker is an extraordinary man.  I believe that this country needs him as president.  I'm not about to let him get bogged down in scandal before the campaign even begins."

"But that is simply amazing.  That you would sacrifice your career--"

"Ainsley, I haven't sacrificed anything.  And the media were about to blow that silly memo out of proportion.  I'll work quietly behind the scenes for a while, but I'll still be working."

"I am, if you will allow me to say so, tremendously impressed by your devotion to Senator Baker in this."

She smiled at me.  "President Bartlet's staff isn't the only one that wants to win.  If Josh Lyman can take a bullet for his candidate, the least I can do is spare mine a little inconvenience."

"You must believe very strongly in Senator Baker's candidacy," I said.

"I do indeed.  I have great plans for Senator Baker.  When we get to the White House -- Ainsley, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"Not at all."

"CJ Cregg said something thought-provoking the other day."

"About my having a conflict of interest as a conservative Republican working for a liberal president during re-election?"

Ann laughed, which I thought a bit strange.  "It's just that -- Well, there are many people in the Democratic party who would consider Josiah Bartlet a moderate, not a liberal," she explained.

I do believe I may have shuddered.  "It's rather a frightening thought, isn't it?"

"Exactly," she said.  "So, as a conservative, what will you do?"

"I don't know as of yet.  I suppose it will depend on a number of factors.  I do know that I very much like Senator Baker's stand on the issues, but I believe it is too early to reach a decision."

"Yes, it is.  You wouldn't want to act hastily."

"Really?  I thought, given the way you have been treated by the senior staff, that you would advise me to resign as soon as possible."

"Oh, no, I wouldn't do that.  I think you're in exactly the right place.  I really believe you need to stay just where you are," she said.

"I'm relieved to know that you agree with me.  I've discussed this with several friends, who all suggested that I resign before the campaign begins."

"I'm sure your friends meant well, Ainsley, but you'll learn that it's best not to reach hasty decisions in this business.  Stay where you are, and you'll do just fine."

I felt, I do not hesitate to tell you, grateful for Ann's advice.  We had a pleasant chat after that; she asked a number of questions about my work.  It was so nice of her to want to know all the details about what my days are like at the White House.  Nor do I believe she harbors ill feelings toward any member of President Bartlet's staff.  Why, she was interested -- in the most pleasant manner -- in what I had to say about all of them.  I was quite disappointed when our luncheon came to an end.

"We should make a habit of this," Ann said as she paid the check.  She made a point of paying -- something about how she always likes to give gifts to her friends.  It was quite touching.  "We should get together for lunch every week."

"I'd like that," I agreed.

"Then I'll see you next week," she said.  "You can tell me all the things that have happened with your job, and I'll give you any advice you may need.  Point you in the right direction."  She smiled as though she'd just said something amusing, though I'm afraid I didn't get the joke.

"And, Ainsley," she reminded me before we parted company, "as your brand new mentor, I want you to remember:  There's no need for you to even think about leaving the White House.  I want you to stay exactly where you are."

THE END

03.14.01