He's half yelling, but it barely even registers at this point; he and Sam have disagreed on everything from the intricacies and implications of the Fourth Amendment to the proper pronunciation of the word neither.  Also either.  Like anyone cares.  Especially at 1:37 a.m. somewhere halfway between hell and Las Vegas.

Which is also hell, if you ask me.

I think Toby's still talking.  "Yeah, that just rolls right off the tongue."

Squashed onto the campaign bus as we are, I can feel Sam shrug beside me, "What do you suggest, Toby?"

"Governor and Mrs. Bartlet."

My eyes pop open and I push myself half-upright.  "Excuse me?"

Toby sighs.  "CJ--"

"No."  I'm shaking my head.  Perhaps I'm overtired -- hell, I know I'm overtired; it's been two days since we stayed in an actual hotel, and this bus is way too cramped -- but this is really pissing me off.  "Why not Governor and Dr. Bartlet?  Why not Dr. and Dr.?"

Toby flicks a hand in my direction, dismissing my comments.  "CJ--"

"Seriously, that is bullshit!"

Toby rolls his eyes.  "You really think Dr. and Dr. Bartlet's gonna fly with anyone at the networks?  You don't think we're going to have perception problems enough with Abbey having her own--"

"If you say 'career,'" I warn through clenched teeth, "I will lock you in that bathroom."

Beside me, Sam snickers heartily.  I turn to him and raise one eyebrow.  He sobers immediately and says, "I was just imagining the look on his face as the door slammed shut -- You know what?"  Sam glances back over at Toby's unamused expression.  "I'm going to go ahead and shut up right now."

"Good call," Toby says.  His gaze slides over to me.  "And I was going to say her own public image.  She's been very active in socio-political issues in New Hampshire--"

"That's New Hampshire, Toby," I point out.  "Where, what, thirty-eight people live?"

"Actually," Sam starts, "the population of New--"

"I don't care, Sam," I interrupt, shooting a glare in his general direction.  "I'm saying, four years of undergrad, the MCAT, four years of medical school, two years as a resident -- don't you think she's earned the 'Dr.'?"

"In a perfect world, CJ--"

"Oh, spare me, Toby."  I give him a disgusted look and settle back into my seat.  I can't deal with these fools right now.  I am tired, I am cranky, and my patience ran out somewhere in Arizona.  I will take a power nap.  I will sit here in this uncomfortable, upright position and sleep, dammit.

Sam lowers his voice.  "Toby?  We really do need to make a decision so that we can be consistent when--"

"Oh, for the love of God!"  My eyes snap open and I stand up, abandoning what was my favorite seat on the bus.  Usually, bugging Toby amuses me.  Watching Sam do it?  Not so much.

I make my way up the aisle and find Josh and Donna, huddled together over what looks like a magazine.

I give the tops of their heads a suspicious look and lean in.  "Whatcha reading?"

"CJ!" Josh yelps, startled.

Donna merely grins up at me.  "People.  They mentioned the campaign."

"Favorably?"

"Kind of."

I raise one eyebrow.

"It's People, CJ," Josh mutters.  "It's not like they're gonna endorse a political candidate.  They said Abbey had on a cute dress."

"Chic," Donna corrects, showing me the photograph of the Bartlets at a fundraising in New York.  "They said classic and chic."

"Good."  I drop into a free seat across the aisle from them.  "I've decided I hate this state," I announce.

Donna nods.  "Nevada?"

Josh looks up, frowning.  "I thought we were still in Oklahoma."

I give him a strange look.  "Have we even been to Oklahoma yet?"

Donna shakes her head.  "Nope."

"Huh," Josh says, looking puzzled.

"CJ?" Sam yells from the back of the bus.

I give Josh and Donna a patently fake smile.  "Excuse me one moment."  I twist around, fix Sam with a glare, and yell, "Don't talk to me right now."

Josh laughs.  "What's your problem?"

"Those two are bickering."

"You say that like it isn't the constant state of affairs around here," Donna observes wryly.

"I was trying to sleep."

"Ah."

Josh shrugs.  "It's a campaign bus.  You've got to learn to, you know, power nap."

Perhaps sensing her de facto boss's impending death, Donna distracts me with, "What are they fighting about?"

"The proper way to refer to Abbey."

Josh gives me that annoying smirk.  "We can't really just call her Abbey?"

I send a withering look in his direction.  "We can, but Dateline can't."

"Might give them an accessible image if the network anchors started referring to them as Jed and Abbey."

Donna snickered.  "Josh, you don't even call the man by his name; you call him 'Governor.'"

"Yes," Josh nods.  "It's a matter of respect.  He earned that title."

My eyes narrow.  "And Abbey didn't earn her M.D.?"

Josh throws up his hands, "Whoa!  Back up there, Feminista X.  All I'm saying is we should address the candidate with the respect due his office."

"Former office," Donna points out.

Josh glances over at her.  "Yeah, but the title doesn't just go away."

"Neither does an M.D.," Donna counters.

I like that girl more and more every day.  "Exactly."

Josh waves a hand around in the air, erasing the entire conversation from his mental chalkboard.  "What's Toby suggest?"

"Governor and Mrs."

Donna frowns.  Josh considers this, then nods.  "That works."

"No, it doesn't," I argue.

Josh shrugs a little bit.  "If we use Dr. to refer to Abbey it emphasizes the fact that she's got--"

"Don't even say it," I warn.

"Her own career," Josh finishes.

I jump out of my seat and glance towards the back of the bus.  "Sam!"

"Yeah?" Sam asks, his head popping into view over the back of a seat.

"Can you come here for a moment?  I may need your help."

Josh frowns at me, and Donna's starting to smile.

"Sure," Sam calls, rising to his feet.  "What are we doing?"

"We," I answer him with a big grin down at Josh, who's beginning to look a little scared, "are going to lock Josh in the bathroom."

THE END

08.15.01