"Josh--"

"No, I'm serious.  A box this size?"

"Josh--"

"Who'd want to kill me?"

"Aside from me?"

"Donna!"

"Josh, it's from your mother."

"Oh.  Well.  What if someone forged her name?"

"It's not a legal document, Josh, they wouldn't have to forge her name; just write it."

"You're a real comfort, you know that?"

"Well, you're being an idiot."

"Again, with the kind words that just soothe--"

"This is the White House, Josh; you really think the mailroom doesn't check out bomb-sized packages?"

"That's true.  They wouldn't let a bomb get all the way to the office of the Deputy Chief of Staff."

"Of course, this is a pretty small package.  I wouldn't imagine a bomb could be this size, so maybe they didn't check this one.  Maybe there's a timer in there.  Or maybe you opening it will trigger--"

"Donna!"

"Josh, it's not a bomb."

"It could be."

"It's not."

"Donna--"

"You're gonna make me call, aren't you?"

"Well, you could open it."

"Joshua!"

"What?"

"You're so convinced it's a bomb that you won't touch it, but you don't mind if I open it?"

"Well... no."

"You are a jackass, you know that?"

"In my own defense, I do know that."

"I'm not calling, Josh."

"Donna, you're my assistant."

"So?"

"So isn't that your job?"

"Calling the Secret Service to come disarm a present from your mother?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Donna!"

"It's a present.  From your mother.  Open it, or I'm going to call her and tell her you're a jackass."

"She already knows that."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Donna, I could die!  A horrible, blown up death from this bomb which the mail room incautiously overlooked -- What are you doing?  Donna! Stop that!"

"Shut up, Josh.  I'm opening this."

"I'm getting the hell out of here."

"Josh, you are a complete jackass."

"But I won't be blown up."

"Get your ass back in here, Josh.  I told you it wasn't a bomb."

"It's not?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Did you hear an explosion?"

"No."

"Well, then..."

"Okay.  So what is it?"

"Get in here and find out."

"Why are you laughing, Donna?"

"Aside from you being a jackass?"

"Donna!"

"Get your ass in here, Josh, or--"

"Okay, okay.  What is it?"

"Here."

"Shoes?"

"Yes."

"Donna, these are shoes."

"Quite observant, there, Josh."

"My mother sent me shoes?"

"You're asking me?"

"You didn't, like, switch boxes or anything?"

"Yeah, Josh, cause I have a secret compartment in your desk to hide men's shoes so that, on the off chance that your mother sends you a present that you think is a bomb, I can--"

"Okay!"

"Put your shoes on, Josh."

"Stop laughing."

"A bomb, Josh?"

"Be nice to me; I could have died."

"Death by shoe leather?  Or were you afraid of the big, scary laces?"

"You're fired."

"Nice try."

"Get out."

"Call your mother and thank her."

"Get out."

"Jackass."

THE END

03.15.01