Bastard walks off and leaves me alone to face The Wrath of CJ.

Coward.

"Are you crazy?" CJ asks.  I'm assuming this is a rhetorical question.  "Are the two of you a couple of crazy people?"

"It was just a little kiss, CJ.  Behind closed doors.  I made him stop."

CJ rubs her hand against her forehead.  "Look, if this thing with Stackhouse -- this could be a long night.  I do not need you two idiots giving me a headache this early in the evening."

"Sorry.  It was -- Oh, God."

Hell.

Damn.

I am an idiot.

I am a coffee-serving idiot!

Damn!

"What?" CJ asks.  "Please tell me this isn't some form of punishment being inflicted on me for breaking that blasted statue."

"I kissed him."

"I'm aware of that, Donna.  Don't do it again."

"No, CJ, you don't get it.  I kissed him.  I am the kisser; he is the kissee."

"And this makes a difference because...?"

"We have a bet," I explain.  "We have a bet, and I caved.  I caved and I kissed him and now I have to -- oh, God, I have to bring him coffee."

"You make it sound as though--"

"CJ, think about it.  I have spent the last three years not bringing him coffee.  And now because I kissed him, I have to bring him coffee every morning for the next six weeks."

"Well, there are worse--"

"There aren't.  And who told me never to bring him coffee?  Think back, CJ.  Who gave me that piece of advice three years ago?"

"It was good advice, Donna.  You should thank me for that advice."

"I do.  It is the basis of my entire relationship with Josh, the not bringing coffee."  I'm nervous and pacing around Josh's office now.  "Bringing coffee will lead to a serious power imbalance in this relationship.  And this is not a moment to be changing the power dynamic in this relationship.  We have to do something, CJ!"

"What do you mean 'we'?"

"CJ!  I need help.  I need someone with a devious mind.  That narrows the field to Josh and you.  And I can hardly expect Josh's help with this."

"Okay, but you did kiss him."

"Yeah, there's got to be a way out of that.  CJ, help me think of a way out of that!"

"What do I get?"

"What?"

"For helping you.  What's the payoff?"

"The gratification of helping a sister in need?"

"This is my day for selling out the sisterhood.  What else have you got?"

"I'll bring you coffee?"

"Starbucks.  Iced latté.  Every day after the noon briefing."

"Deal."

"All right then.  Explain everything that happened.  Leave nothing out.  Oh, god, Donna, would you stop blushing?" 

*** 

Ten minutes later, we have a plan.  CJ calls Josh into her office.  She perches on the edge of her desk, while I sit on the couch, looking properly chastened.

Josh, on the other hand, is gloating.  The damn bastard is gloating.  He sits down on the couch next to me.  "That will be two sugars, no cream," he says to me.

I duck my head, trying my best to look dejected.  And also, trying not to laugh.

If he's told me once, he's told me a thousand times -- Overconfident people are the easiest ones to trick.

"Josh," CJ says.  She sounds so disappointed, almost guilty.  Damn, she's good.  "I'm so sorry to have to do this, but you'll see that this is for your own good."

Josh looks confused.  "What?" he asks.  "What is for my own good?"

"Not just yours," CJ says.  "Donna's too.  I mean, I thought -- Well, obviously I was wrong.  Anyway, Margaret says that Leo will have five minutes free in an hour and we can all talk to him then."

"Talk to Leo about what?" Josh asks.

"About the two of you," CJ explains.

"Uh, CJ," Josh says, "I thought we'd decided -- we'd agreed that we weren't going to say anything to anybody."

"Well, yes, but that was when -- Josh, the two of you promised me you would keep your hands off each other until Donna resigned."

"But we have!  Donna, tell her we have!"

"We really have, CJ," I say.  I use my best whispery, "my life is falling apart here" tone.  "Except for today, and that was completely my fault."

"Exactly," CJ answers.  "Donna told me what happened, Josh, and that's the part that worries me.  I was counting on her to control what is potentially a delicate situation.  I hardly expect you to behave circumspectly, but I thought Donna would.  If she can't control this thing between you either, well, we just have to admit what's going on and deal with the fallout before we land in the middle of a PR disaster."

"Trust me, CJ," Josh says.  "Donna can control me.  She's been controlling me for the last three years.  There is nothing to worry about."

"The kiss?" CJ asks.

"It was just a little kiss, CJ," I say mournfully.

Josh gives me a skeptical look.  "Little is perhaps not the word I would have chosen," he says.

"Josh," I whisper.  "Not in front of CJ!"  I make eye contact with him and do my best to look like I'm about to cry.  This is not difficult.  All I have to do is think about not kissing him again for another six weeks.

"Fine," he says.  And, just as CJ predicted it would, the look and the threat of going to Leo makes sweet guy Josh appear.  "And anyway," he says, "it was all my fault."

"It really wasn't," I argue.  "I started it."

"No," Josh says.  He's determined to take the blame now.  "I started it."

"No, I did."  Dear God, I'm stuck in some weird Bugs Bunny cartoon--"duck season," "rabbit season," "duck season."

"I started it, Donna," Josh insists.

"How do you figure that?" I ask.

"Illegal touching," he says.  "I grabbed you.  It was illegal touching.  I was supposed to issue a warning, and I failed to.  You cannot be held responsible under the rules of the agreement."

"Aha!" CJ and I yell in unison.

"What?" Josh asks.

"I heard you," CJ says.  "Don't try to get out of it, for I am a witness.  It was your fault, you started it, Donna does not have to bring you coffee."

Josh turns to me in horror.  "You played me," he says.  "My own -- whatever it is you are to me now -- you played me."

"Just the way you taught me," I admit.

"You devious little--" he starts.  "You know, you're really hot when you're like this."

"For the love of God," CJ moans.

"Well, she is."

"Fine," CJ says.  "Just keep your hands off her until you've both cooled down."  She moves back behind her desk.  "And get out of here.  I've got things to do."

"Yes, CJ," I say.  "And thank you."

"No thanks are necessary," CJ says.  "Just remember that little errand you're running for me on Monday."

"What little errand?" Josh asks as we head back to his office.

"Nothing."

"Donna, I know CJ.  I know she's called in a favor to help you with this scheme.  What is it?"

"Nothing much.  I just agreed to bring her coffee for the next six weeks."

"You what?"  It's amazing how loud Josh's voice can get sometimes; it really is.

"Coffee.  From Starbucks."

"Okay, that's it.  You lose.  You tried to trick me, and you lose."

"No, I didn't.  You admitted to CJ--"

"I didn't know she was trying to get the coffee that rightfully belongs to me.  I take back my previous statement."

"Illegal touching without a proper warning cannot be taken back."

"You're changing the rules."

"I'm refining."

"This bet isn't over yet."

"Didn't say it was.  I'm still getting that textbook money," I tell him as we walk into his office.

"You're not.  You're bringing coffee."

"In your dreams."

"No, usually in my dreams you're--"

Silly man.  I pat him on the shoulder.  Very gently.  He whimpers again.  "No need to finish that thought, Joshua.  I get the idea."

THE END

03.15.01